Among several subjects related to the triggering of intense and heated human emotions, none are steamier than the hot topics involving “Love & Money.”
You don’t have to search much further than the titles of your favourite movies to see that it is usually one of these two subjects – or both – that makes for a captivating, dramatic, and powerful storyline. So, it should be no surprise that when it comes to our own relationships, the combination of “Love & Money” often leads us to deal with some serious trials and tribulations in creating a “happily ever after” with our partner.
I have worked with many couples over the course of my career and have found that one of the most challenging obstacles they face as partners is just having the dreaded – money conversation! Ewwww… yikes!
The Dreaded Money Conversation
Matters related to money make most of us feel verrrryyyy uncomfortable. For many people, feelings of shame, unworthiness, doubt, insecurity, lack of know how, etc., tend to dominate our thoughts regarding the dollar $ign.
But WHY does the topic of money sometimes bring up all these dreaded emotions?
Because money and how we best handle it (or not) directly ties into the ongoing quality of our lives. Our values, goals, and dreams – whether you want to believe it or not – all blend into the relationship that we have with our money, and the relationship that we have with money is complex and stems way back to our upbringing and life experiences that have unfolded for us along the way! So again, it is not surprising that when we add the complexities of a partner into the mix, these uncomfortable emotions now feel even more overwhelming!
But… it doesn’t have to be that way!
As with all things that make us feel uncomfortable, taking the bull by the horns and coming to terms with facing these feelings is undoubtedly the first step that needs to be taken. So, with that said, if you are in a committed relationship, and the topic of finances has been put on the back burner for some time, then having the dreaded “money conversation” is where you must start.
But before that can even happen, both parties must be wholeheartedly open to laying some possible hard truths on the table. Both parties also have to be willing to be self-reflective as well and willing to dive deep into the vulnerable feelings that will most likely be uncovered during your “money conversation.”
Some Things To Consider Before Starting The Money Conversation
You may want to consider some of the following before you sit down and start the conversation, but the best direction I can give is that you must both give what is going to be discussed some serious thought, consider every angle, and then speak from the heart.
The following may help you get started:
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- What if one partner is better at managing money than the other?
- What if one wants to jump in and analyze the figures and create a spending plan, but the other just likes to “go with the flow”?
- What if one partner spends too much while the other is a saver?
- What if one partner comes into the relationship with more debt than the other?
- Should we get a prenup?
- What if your partner has kids from another marriage – how is that going to work?
- What if your partner is still helping their “ex” financially?
- What if your partner earns way more than you – does that automatically mean they should make all the decisions?
- What if you have trust issues because “you’re just not ready to talk about all that – just yet”?
- Should you keep your finances separate and just hope for the best – or would a joint plan make more sense?
- And if you do decide to blend your finances, who’s going to keep track of it all – and how should you even do it?
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There are so many questions! But fear not…I have some answers.
I found a terrific article on the web that I’d like to share with you. (It has an American angle as it refers to 401Ks, which are similar to the Canadian RRSP) but that is just a minor detail – the article really gets into the details about couples and money, and I hope that you find something in it that resonates with you so that you can see that you’re not alone. I hope the article helps you and your partner finally sit down to have that “money conversation” so you can focus more on the “fun stuff” in your relationship.
Here is the article:
The Best Ways for Couples to Manage Their Finances
Wishing you all the best in this love and money journey, and if you would like to talk to someone (other than your partner!) and bounce ideas around about setting yourselves up financially, you can book a clarity call with me here!
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