I am not a professional writer by any means, but for this month I would like to share something a little different with you. As it is summer, I thought it would be refreshing to take a break from my usual routine – even when it comes to work.
And so, I wrote the following tale which was inspired by a favourite author of mine, Richard Wagamese. Richard was working on his last manuscript for three years, and passed away prior to fulfilling his plan to write stories and ceremonies inspired by each of the foundational teachings of the Ojibway tradition.
You may or may not have heard of Richard, but what I can tell you is that I have read most of his books – and there were many, many times when his words gave me goosebumps, and I found myself having to put the book down to process the impact of what I had just read.
Life often leads us to places that are hard to understand and navigate. The last two and a half years have been especially challenging for all of us, and every single person on the planet has been touched in some way by extraordinary situations that they have most likely never had to face before. It is during these unusual times, that we often find ourselves questioning our choices and maybe even the purpose of our very existence and wondering just what to do next.
What is my next step? Where do I go from here? How do I get out of this? What does all this even mean?
While I don’t have the answers to any of these questions for you, one thing I can share is that hearing other people’s stories can often be a comforting remedy for getting a glimpse into another’s world. Being open to hearing other people’s stories can often lead to feeling connected and part of something bigger – in that we often realize that each of us has a story to tell, and through these stories we all share common traits of what it means to be human, as at times we recognize ourselves in others.
So, I’d like to share this quote from Richard before I share my own story; it sums things up:
“Every choice has the ability to take us from the path. But it is also the way back at the same time” – Richard Wagamese
It’s early morning about 6am. I am alone, way up north at the cottage sitting on the couch, staring out the window watching the pines wave softly in the wind, the swirling blues, whites and golds in the sky not yet awakened by the sun.
The ripples of rings on the lake blend silently into one another, I have a hot coffee on the table next to me, and it is sooo quiet. It has been months since I have written for pleasure. Writing has always been an outlet for me – a way of expressing myself through creating stories.
Writing helps me let off steam and figure out the world around me. Writing is therapeutic for me, but for some reason, for many, many months, I have been unable to get anything out.
So here I am this morning, trying to understand why, as I open my laptop and my fingers touch the keyboard. I am trying to understand why I struggle to begin allowing the words and thoughts to roll off my mind. I am trying to understand why, when I think of what to write, nothing excites me, and why my story which has gathered so much momentum and adventure over the past few years, still does not allow me to start banging away typing like I had before. This current state perplexes me.
Someone very close to me recently told me that these are the times when real creativity is born.
“If you can force yourself to lean into the pain of it,” he said, “then something new may be born of the process.” So here I am, working through the pain of my process – trying to let the flow of writing come to me as it had so many, many times before. “Just let go, Alice,” a little voice in my head keeps saying. “Just let go.”
So Dear Reader, thank you so much for joining me in my world. I wish you much love and adventure as you read along with me.
The title of this tale is SELF-EF-FACE-MENT and its meaning will be revealed in time. For now, just sit back, get comfortable and ride along with me…
What would you see if you were to imagine your experience on this realm as if you were looking out into a mirror?
You would notice that all the players and events seem to come and go as they please and that the twists and turns of events happen randomly and seemingly without any particular order. You may even realize that as much as you try, controlling the random events and twists and turns while looking into this mirror becomes futile, and you become full of angst as you begin to recognize that you don’t have control over any of it.
You may then start to understand that the harder you try to control the scene in the mirror, you become more frustrated and tense and dumbfounded – and you may finally begin to ask yourself – “What am I doing wrong”? “Why won’t they all just do what I say”?
But, if you can imagine, once again, that you are standing looking out into this realm as if you were looking out into a mirror – you may suddenly realize that you have missed one fine detail.
I saw my reflection staring back at me, and I blinked – finally grasping that this was my only choice.
It was a hot and hazy summer morning, and way up north just past the 44th parallel, nestled amongst towering emerald green pines, endless miles of deep clear freshwater lakes and rivers, as well as a never-ending shield of impassable layers of high-grade metamorphic rocks, there lived a pack of trapped wild animals.
Now, I have to stress the word “wild” to explain that animals that are no longer wild have been taken against their will by some “force” and either locked in a cage for others to gawk at and throw peanuts at or forced to perform circus tricks for the benefit of others. Jumping through hoops may give you a good visual. “Wild” is the natural state of all animals. But this specific group of wild animals had found themselves torn away and imprisoned from their usual territories. The group consisted of 5.
The first member of this motley crew was Bear. Bear was a big guy. He was a massive creature with paws the size of dinner plates, long razor-sharp yellowed claws that grew out warning silently to any other living being to beware.
Bear’s claws were so deadly that with just one swipe to the left and to the right, anything in their path would be ripped to tiny shreds which would then disintegrate into the abyss, never to be seen again. Bear’s head was so big that when you saw him from a distance, you immediately became aware of the saliva dripping from his hungry mouth, streaming down in long slimy threads, his tongue rolling in his mouth as he held his head up high to draw in the scent of his surroundings. But as much as Bear could cause your heart to stop at the sight of him, Bear also held a little secret.
The second member of this no longer wild group was Snake. Snake was a beautiful, mysterious creature. Her girth was three inches thick, and her grey-green scales blended together forming a glittering sparkle that forced you to shield your eyes and look away when the sun hit her at ‘just the right moment’. Camouflaged shapes scattered along her long winding body hid her easily amongst the landscape and tall grasses where she could just wait.
Snake had eyes that narrowed into tiny slits resembling the sliver of a new moon, and this is how one knew that it was best to keep your distance. One bite from Snake, and your life as you knew it would be over within minutes. But as much as Snake could send you to an early grave as you watched her forked tongue flicker quickly in and out, Snake also held a little secret.
The third member of this trapped ensemble was Turtle. Now you may think turtles are slow and boring and that they are no threat at all. But this turtle was different. Turtle was about the size of three footballs put together, and although his size was not overwhelming, he made up for it in other ways.
Turtle does not mess around. He can hide himself in places where no one can easily find him. Poke around in the mud and tall grasses near a flowing river one day, and you will most likely find him there. Turtle does not like to keep one female, so he is often grumpy as finding new females to get frisky with can get quite tiring as there is quite a lot of turtle competition out there.
“You can’t live with them, but you can’t live without them either,” you can often hear Turtle saying. Turtle has a spiny armored shell to protect his insides, and his claws resembling that of Bear’s serve him well during moments of self-preservation. But Turtle’s number one claim to fame is his powerful jaw. One snap of those lips can be heard for miles and miles, followed by the screaming agony of the one whose finger just got snapped off by Turtle’s powerful bite. Poking around in the mud can be risky business. But as much as Turtle’s bite can leave you wishing you had never stopped to scratch that curious itch, Turtle also held a little secret.
The fourth member of this tamed pack was Wolf. Now Wolf was a sight for sore eyes. His thick, dark coat shone blue-black if you looked at him from a particular angle. His lean and muscular stance spoke of his stealth, agility, and power. His eyes spoke only of truth. Never in a hurry and always taking only what he needed, bounding through forests endlessly and hunting wild game was what Wolf most loved to do. Wolf’s ears were always perked, as he never missed a beat. Wolf was not a guy you could easily pull one over on. Wolf’s sense of smell, too, was something to be reckoned with.
All these talents mingled together made Wolf the envy of the forest, and it seemed that he had no rivals. But Wolf’s most impressive talent was his ability to ‘see beyond’. Wolf could sense things other wild animals could not. Wolf had a ‘sixth sense’ so to say. Yet as much as Wolf could see into your soul; Wolf also held a little secret.
The fifth member of this random collective was Human. Human was a curious creature. With no razor-sharp yellowed claws, or powerful jaws to bite away fingers, or a forked tongue warning you to keep your distance, Human’s only line of defense was his powerful mind. The only trouble was that Human, even after eons of evolution, had still not yet learned how to master his gift.
Human’s ego often got the better of him. His fear of not having enough, of not being enough, of not doing enough, of not getting enough, of not claiming enough, of not conquering enough, of just not having ENOUGH was driving him and those around him literally insane. His unquenched appetite for more and more caused Human’s mind and body to swell and swell and swell. Soon Human became so full of not enough that he became very, very tired and lethargic.
Human’s powerful mind made him realize that what he had been doing for centuries and centuries was just not working. Something had to give. The planet was revolting from the fall out. Human families were revolting from the fall out. Wild animals were revolting from the fall out. Everything was revolting from the fall out. But as much as Human finally understood this eye-opening epiphany, Human also had a little secret.
The crew and their secrets settled in for the night.
Bear sighed heavily and lay his massive body down on the ground. He curled into a ball and went into a deep, deep sleep.
Snake sighed heavily and wound her way up and up around the trunk of a tree. She found a spot nestled in between two branches, and she closed the slits of her eyes and went into a deep, deep sleep.
Turtle found a muddy spot, and he used his yellowed claws to dig a deep, deep hole. He climbed into it and buried himself low. He sighed heavily. He closed his eyes.
Wolf stopped bounding endlessly through forests and found a quiet and abandoned den amongst two fallen pines. Wolf sighed heavily. He lay his tired and worn body down onto the carpet of the forest. His eyes closed.
Human stayed awake all day and all night. For days and days Human would not close his eyes. He fought it and he fought it. He got more tired as the days and nights passed. The sun rose, the sun set. The moon rose, the moon set. Yet, Human’s swollen and puffy eyes remained – wide open.
As the crew and their secrets melted together, something began to shift.
To be continued…
